The Batmom

Catwoman #12

Catwoman #12/Judd Winick, Adriana Melo, Julio Ferreira

COVERGIRL: Is there anything creepier than dead whores dressed up like flappers? Nope. We’re skeeved, Selina’s skeeved. And she doesn’t even see … behind her.

 

INSIDE STORY: Catwoman busts into the Dollhouse, run by a twister sister named Matilda, confusingly AKA Dollhouse,. (Perhaps my bad guy name should be Blue Colonial Duplex?). Dollhouse is carrying on a family tradition … of kidnapping prostitutes and street kids, harvesting their organs, killing them, stuffing them, and turning them into life-sized dolls. Happy Family, that.

A slew of drugged streetwalkers plus one wide-awake Detective Alvarez greet Catwoman, who immediately comes to blows with Dollhouse. Spark, despite his partnership with Gotham’s crooked cops, alerts Batman. The Dark Knight busts in, saving Alvarez and the drugged prostitutes. Catwoman slips away.

As she enjoy a hot tub fully dressed (an odd artistic choice for creators who seem to love nothing so much as Cat-skin), Catwoman muses on how much she likes Spark. Meanwhile, the Penguin tells Gwen (Catwoman’s fence) that Spark is ratting on Catwoman to Gotham’s crooked cops. Gwen blows Spark away. Before he takes a bullet to the gut, Spark claims he’d never hurt Catwoman.

RAMBLE: Not blown away like Spark is by Gwen, but interested like Catwoman is by Spark.

Right now, Catwoman’s my big question mark. Should she stay or should she go?

Should she stay or should she go, now?

If she stay, there will be cleavage.

If she goes, will there be grievage?

Enough with the prom songery.

In the stay column: the guts-bonkers combo, which leads Selina to rush in like brave fools before her. In the go column: anything solid I can cling to. She’s wishy-washy. Neither villain nor superhero. Neither good nor evil. Kinda wanting friends, kinda not. Kinda loving Batman, kinda not.

The neither-this-nor-that holds huge potential, and I’ve seen glimpses of promise, especially over the last few issues.

Make me stay, #0. I’ll even avert my eyes from your horrific, ridonkulous cover. Make me stay!

Who the Hell are These People?

Catwoman: Selina, a hooker-esque thief with a heart of pawn-shop gold and a weakness for the Batman

The Batman: The Batman

Detective Carlos Alvarez: Good cop amid a dirty slew in the Gotham PD; he knows they're dirty, and he's in the odd position of wanting to stop Catwoman's thieving ways and also to save her from the bad cops. At the start of issue #12, kidnapped by Dollhouse

Dollhouse: Crazy kidnaptress named Matilda. Grabs streetwalkers and street kids off the streets, drugs them, harvests their organs, kills them, and stuffs them. Dollhouse is ew.

Gwen: Catwoman’s fence

Spark: Catwoman’s new thieving partner; he’s working with the dirty Gotham PD to capture Catwoman

What the Hell is Going on?

Catwoman is trying to save a slew of hookers and street kids being kidnapped by a freaky someone who kills them and turns them into corpse-y playthings. She’s also being pursued by a handful of dirty Gotham police officers because she stole their dirty money. Her supposed partner Spark is informing on her to said dirty cops.

CATching up: Catwoman 6, 7, 8

COVERGIRLS: I like all three! Hip Hip Hip Hooree!

#6 claims top spot, for it not only places Catwoman in the power position, but also visually transforms two Gotham personalities into one Gotham gargoyle. Genius, Guillem!

#7 and #8 mark the departure of Guillem and the arrival of Adriana Melo (pencils) and Mariah Benes (inks). Goodbye grey, hello #7! Your colors make me long for cotton candy and candied apples. #8’s all shattery-glassy action. Catwoman’s face — especially the screaming red lips — draws eyes down-doobie-do-down-down, in the same direction Catwoman is falling.

INSIDE STORY: Catwoman has the police’s dirty money and the dirty police have Catwoman. They can’t ID her — someone’s wiped computer systems clean of all evidence of her existence — but they can beat her. Or have evil giantess-for-hire Reach do it for them. If there are ways to talk about biting off ears without mentioning Mike Tyson, you can pretend I’m using them … NOW.

Catwoman pulls a Mike Tyson, biting off Reach’s ear before running out the open door being held by Detective Alvarez, conflicted in the face of his boss’s dirty copitude.

Catwoman’s old friend/new fence Gwen Altamont helps her break into automotive thievery, which is all fun and games and cars and cash until Detective Alvarez catches Catwoman. Who is immediately saved by yet another spark-shooting Gothamite with a one-syllable name, this time male and regular-sized: Spark. He’s cute and he likes to steal stuff.

Spark and Catwoman plan a heist involving the Penguin, but while performing recon they see a hooker being drugged and dragged. They save her and talk to her trick-turning buddies, who say the perp is doing this to women all over Gotham. Catwoman vows to save the streetwalkers, thereby turning a neat little trick herself: transforming from bad guy to good.

RAMBLE: Okay, I just read three issues of Catwoman and then wrote about them. Also, during this same time period, I folded laundry, washed 3 dishes, liked 17 FB status updates, wrote 1 FB status update, ate >afew chips, had a conversation about electronic devices in elementary schools, replied to a sad Tweet, and cut up two apples for two children who really just wanted to delay bedtime.

I got nothing left.

Go away.

Who the Hell are These People?

Catwoman: Selina, a hooker-esque thief with a heart of pawn-shop gold and a weakness for the Batman

The Batman: The Batman, alter ego Bruce Wayne

Gwen Altamont: Selina's old friend and new fence, introduced issue 4

Detective Alvarez: Clean cop who has recently realize his co-workers are dirty

Reach: Giant bad-guy for hire, can shoot electrical shocks from her fingertips

What the Hell is Going On?

Catwoman's long-time fence Lola is dead, so she's working with old friend Gwen Altamont. Gotham Detective Alvarez is pursuing a string of robberies he thinks he can link to Catwoman, but when he discovers the cops are crooked and Catwoman has hidden some of their stolen money, he grows conflicted. For a moment, and then returns to his mission: Capturing Catwoman. Batman shows up on occasion, sometimes to mack, sometimes to lecture.