The Batmom

The New 52; Or, Stan Lee, Ralph Macchio & Me

I’ve been mucking around with this idea for months. That’s how I work, except mostly I don’t work, I just create many mental lists. And then forget them.

So muck, muck, I discover via Twitter that DC is relaunching a host of characters, rewinding their stories back to issue #1. Wiping their slates clean.

DC is dubbing the effort The New 52.

 “We’re going to take these iconic characters and we’re going to give you a fresh new look,” said Jim Lee, a Korean-born penster who rose to fame inking Marvel’s X-Men and now co-publishes DC Comics.

(STOP! Trivia Break: There are 3 famous Lees in the comic-verse: Jim Lee; Stan Lee the man of whom even I the CBV have heard; and Jae Lee, best known for his work on Inhumans and The Sentry. Neither of which I’ve ever heard. The latter of which sounds like a movie made by a pre-puppet Mel Gibson.)

 

       Jim Lee                   Stan Lee                    Jae Lee           Pre-puppet Mel G 

(Photo credits at end of post.)

“It’s just a great opportunity for readers who aren’t familiar with our characters to jump aboard, to come join the party that is the DC universe,” said Bob Harras, who himself joined the party at DC after departing Marvel, where he worked for RALPH MACCHIO!

When I Wiki-learned this “fact” (gotta use fact in quotes when you find it on a wiki, says the former fact-checker), I got very excited. As if The Outsiders and The Karate Kid weren’t enough, did Ralph Macchio go on to spin story-webs for Spiderman?

Does playing a fly-catching hero lead to a second career drawing flying heroes?

Was the Ugly Betty gig just moonlighting?

When Johnny tells Pony Boy to “stay gold,” is he making an oblique reference to vibranium and NOT Robert Frost?

No. No. No.

There are actually two Ralph Macchios floating in my Gen X pop-culture pool, both dedicated to kicking bad-guy butt.

                        
Ralph Macchio Spider Spinner        Ralph Macchio Fly Catcher
(Photo credits at end of post.)

That little side-babble lost me my segue, so I’ll requote DC’s Bob Harras, who once served as assistant editor to Ralph Macchio (Spiderman spinner not fly catcher).

“It’s just a great opportunity for readers who aren’t familiar with our characters to jump aboard, to come joint the party that is the DC universe,” said Harras.

That’s me! Unfamiliar reader! Great opportunity! Joining the party!

The big fat KAPOW ZAP BLAMMIE comic book party.

To celebrate, I bought 1 Betty & Veronica and 3 first-edition New 52s: Batgirl, Batwoman, and Supergirl.

I wanted Wonder Woman #1, but she sold out. The comic book store guy, who treated me like a passable fan-ma’am (girl no longer applicable) and not a middle-aged mom-jeanser, said they’d get more soon.

Phew. I love Lynda Carter.

 

Photo Credits: Jim Lee by Luigi Novi [CC-BY-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0) via Wikimedia Commons; Stan Lee By Edward Liu (Stan "The Man" Lee) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons; Jae Lee by Nightscream (Own work) [Attribution, GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) via Wikimedia Commons; Mel Gibson by Alan Light via Wikimedia Commons; Ralph Macchio by  Jeffrey O. Gustafson [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/), from Wikimedia Commons; Ralph Macchio courtesy www.TeenIdols4You.com

Holding Out for a Heroine

My daughter needs a superhero. An ass-kicker in primary colors. A bold fighter with a simple insignia and a compass set for good-vs-evil adventure.

She’s gotta be strong and she’s gotta be fast and she’s gotta be fresh from the fight.

AmethystAndromedaAngelODayAquagirlArgentArisiaArrowetteArtemisBatgirl

BatwomanBeautifulDreamerBelphegorBettaKaneBigBardaBlackCanaryBlackOrchid

BoodikkaBulleteerBulletgirlBumbleeCatwomanCelsiusChaseCinnamonCoagulaCornet

QueenCopycatCrazyJaneCrimsonAvengerIIICrimsonFoxCycloneDartDawnstar

DeepBlueDivaDoctorLightDollGirlDolphinDreamgirlDonnaTroyDorothySpinner

DumbBunnyElastiGirlEmpressTheEngineerIIFairchildFaithFallenAngelFeverFire

FlamebirdFleurDeLisForerunnerFreefallFuryGlossGodivaGraceGypsyGreenLantern

GreenArrowHaloHarbingerHawkHawkgirlHawkwomanHuntressIceIceMaidenIndigo

InsectQueenIsisJadeJakitaWagnerJaynaJetJennyQuantumJennySparksJesseQuick

JonniThunderKatanaKatmaTuiKidFlashKinetixKnockoutKoleLaurelKent

LadyBlackhawkLibertyBelleLightningLassLittleMermaidLookerLoriaLodestone

Madame.44MadameXanaduManhunterManitouDawnMaryMarvelMaximaMaya

TheMenagerieMeraMerryGirlof1000GimmicksMirageMissAmericaMissMartian

MonstressMotherOneNatashaIronsNegativeWomanNemesisIINightgirlNightshade

NightstarOnyxOracleOwlwomanPanthaPhantomGirlPilgrimPowerGirlPrincessProjectra

QueenHippolytaRainmakerRampageRavenRocketRoseandThornRoseTattooSaturnGirl

SavantSecretShadowLassShikariShiningKnightShrinkingVioletSilkSpectreSkyrocket

SparksSpeedySpoilerSpySmasherStarSpangledKidStarfireStartgirlSupergirlSuperwoman

SwiftTerraThunderTraci13TriplicateGirlTroiaDonnaTroyTsunamiValdatheIronMaiden

VeraBlackVigilanteVixenVoidVoodooWhiteWitchWitchfireWonderGirlWonderTot

WonderWomanXSZatannaZealot

 

And that’s just DC Comics’ cotillion.

I don’t know where to start so I’ll start with a ramble.

I bought my first comic book at The Friendly Store.

Everybody called The Friendly Store Lavin’s because the Lavins owned it. The Only Restaurant In Town was a better name, or maybe The Place Where Catholics Get Fish and Chips on Fridays.

Everything felt sticky – the vinyl benches, the BLTs, and the dusty tops of the canned goods sold in the space between the coolers filled with ice cream and the lunch counter filled with guys.

I loved Lavin’s.

I loved that my grandmother warranted a boothside visit from whichever Lavin was staffing the restaurant.

I loved walking in by my small self, sent by my aunt working next door to get lunch and sweet tea, which is totally something I must be making up because we’re talking 1975 New England and who the hell ever heard of sweet tea?

I loved when the Lavin behind the counter was nice to me. It must have been the she-Lavin and maybe she called me honey.

I loved it and hated it when the lunch-breaking guys noticed me and would maybe say “oh, she’s Mary’s girl.” Or Peggy’s niece. Or Mrs. Herman’s granddaughter.

I loved sliding into a booth half-frozen from sledding and ordering a hot chocolate which came from a paper envelope just like the cocoa at home but which still tasted better; and I loved the tiny slivers of ice in the water I asked for and got, even though old man Lavin laughed when I asked and told me to go outside and get myself some snow but be sure not the yellow kind guffaws up and down the counter.

And I loved the comics.

I’ve consumed verbiage by the sheaf since I was 3. If I’m at a table just me and my bowl and my cereal box, I will read the cereal box 45 times rather than sit there with my loud, pin-balling thoughts.

So after scarfing down my grilled cheese and chocolate milk and perusing the dusty canned goods, I’d turn to the words, which at Lavin’s meant the newspapers and the comics.

Sometimes I bought myself a Betty & Veronica.

I don’t remember if Lavin’s meager stock included superheroes. If it did, I wouldn’t have been interested. They weren’t on my radar.

In retrospect, Archie’s girls were petty and dull, especially when compared to my other literary girls. Anne Shirley gumptioned her way into crusty Marilla’s heart. Laura Ingalls wagon-trained her plucky little ass all the way to Kansas. Betty and Veronica squabbled over Archie, whom I liked because he bore a vague resemblance to Richie Cunningham.

But I read them. For a few years in elementary school, I liked comic books. And then I didn’t buy myself another comic book until I was 40.